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I need to get my mind on better things. Didn't get much sleep last night. I just really want night mare to end.

Man do I need to go shopping for clothes. Just normal basic stuff. If I get what I need I'll be so happy.

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Sulks
12:38 Jun 29 2011

clothes-shopping is always good even if its just a shirt or two. Would love to be able to shop for stuff where you live. It has to be one of the most interesting places in the world to hang out in. One day, I'd love to take a trip and just wander about :D

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If only I could say what's up. Ugh, it's hard to comfort her. Most importantly myself. I need an escape. I need sleep. Before I cry. Admited.

I think the best part about being with no one is that I can write morbid things and no one can tell me to stop.



Ugh, I try to have a nice day but I can't help but worry for my future. The super is on our ass again. Heh... makes me get flash backs from last year. The people down stairs want their money to fix the damage that was done when that dumb bitch home attendent was here. We of course aren't going to pay for it. We'll have to end up suing the company. If they don't agree to pay it.



I know this will probably be nothing but it's stressful. Life's just one big fucked up joke.



Sure I bitch too much on this journal but it's a collection of my thoughts. Things that usualy keep me up at night. It's way better than keeping it all inside. I mean, have I mentioned this yet? I can, I can, no I won't admit it.

Sometimes my mind wonders off. Here I thought I could do much more and yet, I feel isolated. You know what I wish sometimes? To be irriesponsible, stupid and young. I don't want my brain. T_T

My ear hurts and I have a small fever now. Please no screaming. x_x I need.. rest.

Hmm it was at aroud this time that I was sent off to somewhere I didn't want to be. Just learning the true meaning of what VR trades would be like. Soon to go into another place after a week or two. Then it was about two months till I stalked into the most awesome place. :P

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Lullaby
13:44 Jun 24 2011

I still cannot believe I was in IS for just over 10 months.

I miss it. ♥ I can't believe I've known you for over a year now, either. :P

Oh, the fun we've had, the people we've pissed off. :D

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TheArtistRose
13:49 Jun 24 2011

XD "The people we've pissed off" Love it! And it's been a fun year. :P I was in Burning flames around this time.

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PAGAN
17:52 Jun 24 2011

LOL! You two are my favourite people. I'm glad I know you both. Here's hoping y'all continue to piss people off for many years to come haha :P

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These past few weeks my imagination has run wild before I've slept. It used to do that but hasn't for years. I enjoy that so much. Keeps the nightmares at bay. The bad part is that it makes me fall asleep when I don't want to. o.O lol

Slept well but I'm still tired. To do list:



-Take her to the doctors.

-Maybe go to the police station to report the people down stairs.

-Pay a few bills.

-Go to that appointment.

-End up coming home late.

-Be back at around 8 or 9. o.o

-Then get on the rave and pull an all nighter? Maybe. xP Takes a lot to stay up after long days.

Going out to do errands- I hope. Then comming back to sleep I guess. I have to do lots of crap like take mommy to the doctors and then go to another appointment, tomorrow. It'll rain too; wonderful. I just hope I can get this stuff out of my hair. xD It'll run on my face if the rain gets to it. xP

Today was such a fucking mess. I really have no idea how some retards can keep a job and I can't find shit. Look at this fucked up shit yo.



Okay, so today I was sleeping and trying to feel better. Then my mom knocks on the door saying that she wants me out. I was like fuck no.



Apparently her home attendent mixed bleach with ammonia. Everyone was coughing and couldn't breath. Even the cats were sick. I had to take Panther in my room so he could breath. So yeah, she wanted me out but I was like fuck that shit, I'm fucking safe, and you're dying out there, haha!



Then more shit happens. The dumb bitch leaves the kitchen sink on and floods the god damned place. How fucking stupid can you get? The assholes down staris came up to bitch about it too. Fuck. They just have something another thing against us.



Then I was in my room for hours and I had to pee so fucking bad. xD I was like "Yo I gotta go, at least give me a bottle, jkjk." XD

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xRobin3x
23:59 Jun 20 2011

hide a bucket in your room for days like this XD

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You are such a brat. Being kind to you, little one is getting harder these days and I don't want to be the bad guy. I hope you get more common sense, candy van girl. :x



-Yawns- Other than that this fucking stomach ache fucking hurts! Lots of sleep for me. -_-

Why do you like comparing me to her and then boast about how nice it is that she's dead? Aren't people supposed to let things go after they've been dead for years now. If I remind you so much of her does that mean you miss her one bit enough for you to mention it. I know she was a real ass but still. I think it's sad.

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Lullaby
15:07 Jun 19 2011

Maybe she does miss her? And she's worried that you'll go too?

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TheArtistRose
17:25 Jun 19 2011

On one hand, she's stolen what should have been my mom's. But on the other hand she was probably jealous of us kids. Not so great for an aunt but one none the less. I never got to know her but I hate hearing good stories about someone I never got to know, then being compared to her and then having mom say how nice it was that she died June 18, years ago. No one is perfect.

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Lol Anyway, I said my part about the harassment of a guy who can't spell or have proper grammar. I live in the most awesome city in the world. :3 No need to even explain myself. ;)



I'm off to be a mermaid doing mermaid things. :3



Coney Mermaid parade of 2011! :D So happy and I'm all dolled up. xP

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Army
13:27 Jun 18 2011

Cool! You have to send me pictures! ^_^

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TheArtistRose
13:33 Jun 18 2011

Pictures indeed. xP KEYWORD "Pictures" hahaahaha!



Though I don't know if I'll have my camera today- I'll get some pictures for the fire works later on for the other weeks. ;)

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Lullaby
13:58 Jun 18 2011

"all dolled up" sounds so cute. :)

Have fun, be safe and take pictures if you're able! Get them merman pecs!



Lmfao. xD

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Stupid storm. If it wasn't raining then I could have snuck out today. Done some fun stuff and used picking something up as an excuse. Oh well, there's always next week to be a brat eh?

So, I fell asleep again. I hate doing that. My body fucking hurts. I would love to sleep more but it comes with a price, no camera and no other stuff for Saturday. .__. I think I'mma cry. I seem to fuck myself out of everything and last nights back talk didn't help.

You don't know how much I hate that. All you do is sit around talking about guys. Why don't you just go fuck off. I hate so much. You make me hate.



Sleeping to get away is the only thing I can hold onto if you take this away. I can't even live with the fact that I do so much for you and how you can be such a cheap ass bitch. Sure, we don't have a car or a big fancy house, we aren't rich, we get by on that crap that we have to go to but you still know how to kick a girl when she's down. I have to do so much to travel with you. Do you honestly think it's easy? Don't you think I end up hurt sometimes? I wanna be by myself. :/ I would love to play in traffic.

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Lullaby
06:33 Jun 17 2011

._.

Okay. ._.

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TheArtistRose
10:32 Jun 17 2011

She drives me mad. x:

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Why is it that I never feel smart enough? I never wanted to accept the term "nerd" because it never fit me but when I do try.. I'm not half bad. Though I'll admit I'm not that great. I'm far from it.

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Lullaby
12:16 Jun 16 2011

You're smart in a different way.

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PAGAN
15:01 Jun 16 2011

you are smart. Smart as hell. You always know exactly what to say. You think quickly. You are very observant. Do I really need to go on? LOL. I think you're smart anyway and thats what counts. :P

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Photobucket hates me. I couldn't use that feature to do what I wished but I did change one thing. Baby steps.

I'd really love a change one day. Something that isn't childish, but I don't think I could ever express what I'd like. This was the me a year ago, not the me now.

Ever fall asleep while writing? xD I just saved it as dumb rabmeling. As long as I can express it for myself then it's all good.

I'm happy for the box and it's crazyness one year ago. Just wish I had saved it back then. xD

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Lullaby
13:27 Jun 12 2011

Choo choo! xD



It was good, though so, so TMI for the innocent Dr. xD

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I want to see the mermaids on the 18th so bad.

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PAGAN
11:44 Jun 11 2011

wot wot wot, you know where there are mermaids? I wanna see them too! LOL

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TheArtistRose
11:49 Jun 11 2011

Mermaid parade Yes, yes I do. :P But it'd be a long travel for you. xD Too bad my camera broke otherwise I would have taken pictures.

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Oceanne
14:33 Jun 11 2011

Mermaids?



In a parade? :D

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TheArtistRose
14:52 Jun 11 2011

Yup! :P Oceanne, you'd so fit in. xD

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Envy, envy, envy, envy, envy, envy. T__T I can't think about such things. T_T I'm not good enough.

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DarkCrystal
08:06 Jun 10 2011

You are good enough! We belive in you!

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TheArtistRose
08:09 Jun 10 2011

*believe



And nope! Not in a way you'd think. Plus I never knew you = we? o.O

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Fale
08:41 Jun 10 2011

I lol'd

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Sulks
14:37 Jun 10 2011

ach, you are good enough, in fact you're one of the best here. I have a bucketload (and more) of respect for you. So. There :P

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TheArtistRose
15:58 Jun 10 2011

It's not about respect. It's about things I wish I had. I'd never be able to ask for things when I know that family comes first and food and clothing are more important. I envy people who can think of themselves. I just can't do it. I'm lucky enough to have this. Who am I to care about things? I just try to ignore stuff sometimes.



Blah, why should I care about items really when others envy me for where I live and what I can do with so little? I don't even have a car, I don't even need to travel or go on any vacation or even think of that.. but sometimes I dream. I just hide it.

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While my computer was down I slept for a long time. It had such nice dreams. I haven't had sweet dreams in such a long time. They were beautiful, I just wish reality was as sweet. T_T

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Oceanne
00:08 Jun 09 2011

Good to see you got some real rest.Finally.

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Sulks
14:35 Jun 10 2011

YAY :D

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Private entry made me feel so much better. Silly little bitchy entry. lol No one needed to read it. It was about people taking things for granted. God how I hate the word money so much.

No way, I'm not going to cook that. You people enjoy yourselves.

Numb in my external extremities. Gah, Idk what is it but I hate this and I can't sleep. I feel sickish. I've been feeling sick and I want it to stop. T_T I want to be in good health.

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Oceanne
17:07 Jun 05 2011

You might not want to hear this,but try getting away from in front of the computer for a few days.I would suggest for at least a week.Get some sunshine(vitamin D) and east something nourishing.From what you describe,could be that your potassium is out of wack..among other things.

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TheArtistRose
18:12 Jun 05 2011

Among other things like low iron intake? Lol



Annnd, I've been outside! It's when I'm out that I start to feel sick. I know I need the right foods. I was outside yesterday and I felt like that. Numb as if it were cold when it's way hot where I am. xP

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Oceanne
18:56 Jun 05 2011

Youve had your kidneys checked?

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TheArtistRose
19:02 Jun 05 2011

o.O Nope, but to be honest I do have a blood condition.

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Oceanne
20:18 Jun 05 2011

I know you do.so with that said,you are going to have to be really dilligent in watching your nutrient and water intake.Especially folic acid and phosphorus.

You on anything besides iron?Or do you even take that?

Metabolic disorders are nothing to ignore.

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Oceanne
23:44 Jun 05 2011

You told me that you had it quite a while ago .You didnt go into detail,but then you really didnt need to.

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TheArtistRose
01:03 Jun 06 2011

I can't take iron cause I'd die from it. Lol



It's all good, since I slept allll day I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Didn't want to sleep all day but it happens. I need food with iron but meh.. Not what was made for dinner.

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Sometimes I just wish I had something. I want it more than food and drink, but it's nothing that anyone can just get and I fail so much because others aren't good enough. I long for it. I don't even know how to express it but it makes me feel not good enough. I hate that I don't have that to keep me looking forward to anything. It suuuuuuuuuuuuccccccks. And I'm gettin' old.

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Oceanne
17:18 Jun 05 2011

Create your own goals and things to look forward to.You cannot find "it" if you are inside ,on a puter everyday,all day.

Get out there and take the world by the horns.

You are a creative person .

Use it to make your life great!!

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TheArtistRose
18:09 Jun 05 2011

You don't understand what it is. It's not something one can just get, like I said. And I have been out, it's the summer. I just can't explain what it is I wish I had. x:

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Oceanne
18:58 Jun 05 2011

I believe I do understand..more than you think...been there,done that.

I had enough and changed it. I never looked back.

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lol Had a nice chat with a New Yorker from the city on here. Feels nice when people understand you. xP

The lost meaning. How well I can read. You know it sorta hurt. Ah, no dwelling on it. Everything corrected itself. And maybe that's because I believe. To believe that maybe there is a little justice in this world. To hold onto hope, even when it hurts.

Lol Looking back in my journal of last year; Damn I was an idiot. lmfao I so should have stfu. hahaha



Good stuff only happened at the end of June. :P